I left Parson's workroom, Project Runway & New York City to return to my life back in Los Angeles. What a crazy year! I asked for it....and boy did I get it! A major concern I had was the fact that it would be a long time before I'd be able to speak to all of my new friends that I had made over the course of the show, let me explain....
From the moment I'd arrived for the show I began to recognize the amazingly cool and talented cast of players. Not in front of the cameras, but behind! The group of men and women who create and work on the show. My fondest memories from Project Runway II, are my own. Memories no one will ever see because they were the brief times when I was off-camera and talking to really interesting and skilled professionals, who when I was talking with them, felt like it is when I'm talking with one of my friends.
Although, it became common for me to be reprimanded by the producers for talking to them when I was supposed to be chatting with my fellow designers, I had quickly grown glassy-eyed of the on-camera "talent" and longed for those cooler folks on the other side of the cameras. I couldn't help it! I was starved for stimulating conversation, for real human interaction with intelligent people. Especially after the group had wittled down and the production of the show was wearing on everyone. At times it was a lonely experience. It became common for me to re-create moments and conversations I've had in the past with my friends,in my mind, just to keep me sane. Imagine throwing 16 of anything into a small cage (Birds, rodents, yeah I know, not a pretty sight!) and that's what it felt like. In life some people you click with and some you don't! That's the honest truth, and I'll take being honest over being "nice" any day! Upon revisiting the episodes on the DVD, I came across a theme of others saying I'm not "Nice" and the importance of being "Nice" and the more I thought about it and filtered it through my brain, I came to the conclusion.......FUCK NICE!
When you play "nice" and you act "nice" you are essentially being fake. (NICE=FAKE) I participated on what essentially is a reality game show that you're a contestant and you're asked your honest opinion, so I gave mine. I gave my honest opinion in the workroom as well as in my private interviews. I know it wasn't "nice" to say, I know it wasn't "nice" to hear. But I was honest. HONESTY kicks the shit out of NICE! In real life, I reserve that type of honesty for only my friends and colleagues. The people who value my honesty and friendship. All things less than, or socially inept, or just plain bad, I ignore. The reason I ignore is because there are so many great things that my focus could improve on, rather than putting any thought into something that is not worth commenting on in the first place. The truth hurts and honesty is such a lonely word! In my everyday life people who I hear constantly pointing out all the insignificant things really bring me down.
The stereotypical hyper-fashionistas that I work with on a daily basis with their Michael Kors pitched whines of "Ohhhhh, What's she got On?" or "Argh, You call this a salad?" really get on my nerves because I'm thinking, "Why waste your energy and your breath?" Often when someone interjects in this way, I hardly feel it's constructive and far from necessary. To me, I feel like, the type of honesty I presented was authentic and spot-on and not about purposely hurting someone's feelings. For many the things that I said were constructive had they even been considered. This rant probably needs more time to fully explain what I'm trying to say. However, this was just going to be a post about missing folks I had grown to love over the shooting of Project Runway II.
So I digress, maybe if this sparks any comments, I'll continue this train of thought at a later date. Watching the DVD and talking about the show again has re-opened a lot of issues that have never been fully explained. On one hand, I'd rather put it all behind me and never have to talk about it ever again. Then, on the other hand, there is still so much misinformation and misunderstanding about the whole season that I'm compelled to have to address things. There are still a large group of people who don't get it, and probably won't ever get it. Some who still depise the "EVIL SANTINO" and other's, who like me for all the wrong reasons. What are you gonna do? At the end of the day does any of it really matter to me, NO! I'd rather walk through life with rose-colored blinders on. I'm looking for beauty, I recognize and applaud beauty when I see it. Truth and Beauty what else truly matters?
Happy 4th of July Everyone!